


lonely, lonely, that is me

by likebrightness



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-19
Updated: 2010-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 06:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likebrightness/pseuds/likebrightness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not that she’s <i>sad</i>, really, just that she’s lonely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lonely, lonely, that is me

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my [LJ-mood-ficlet-a-thon](http://likebrightness.livejournal.com/tag/lj-mood-ficlet-a-thon). _LJ Mood: Lonely_. Title from Feist's "Lonely Lonely." Written in my depression after the Season 2 finale.

Kate sits at her desk, sighs.

It’s the Fourth of July and she’s alone, everyone else long gone to families and friends and fireworks. Ryan and Esposito invited her to their potluck, but she said no. She’s not sure she could handle that much happiness right now.

It’s not that she’s _sad_ , really, just that she’s lonely. The kind of lonely that sits in your bones like a winter chill. Every time she gets a case she pulls out her phone and holds down three, Castle’s speed dial, before she remembers he’s not her shadow anymore.

If anyone notices, they don’t say anything.

But they do give her sad looks, invite her to things like potlucks and dinners and movies. She feels pathetic whether she accepts the invitations or not. Most nights she spends at home with a glass of red wine and some crappy TV show. She refuses to sink so low as Lifetime movies.

She doesn’t read anymore, can’t. She wants to read Derek Storm and Nikki Heat and the way Castle strings words together. But when she does, the chill in her bones turns into an ache, and there’s a sharp pain behind her sternum, like someone’s twisting her heart. Reading anything else feels like a substitute.

Lanie suggested she get back with Demming, but that’s a substitute, too, and not fair to him. He’s pretty, very pretty, and kinder to her than she deserves. He’ll still show up sometimes when she’s working late, with Chinese and that smile. She eats with him and laughs sometimes, but it still feels like she’s missing something.

She thinks about what Esposito said, about whether or not Castle will come back in the fall. She wonders if it will be different, wonders what’s happening to him this summer. Maybe he’s writing or maybe he’s fucking his ex-wife or more likely both. She wonders if his heart twists when he writes Nikki Heat but isn’t bitter enough to hope it does.

The first pop, she grabs her gun instinctively, until the light falling on her desk turns purple, and she realizes it’s just fireworks. Time to go home.

As she leaves the precinct and heads toward her apartment building, she pulls her coat tighter around her. She shouldn’t be this cold in July.

  



End file.
